Band tightening number 3

The first time I got my band filled was on December 27, 2011, I got 5 CCs put into it. That really didn't do much to change my eating habits. I lost the bulk of my weight during the first month post op. I got my second fill on January 16th ish. I got 2.1ccs added. The first 4 days of that were miserable, I lost 5 pounds. I couldn't eat anything. I pretty much drank everything. But after the fourth day or so, I could eat just fine with pretty much no restrictions. Now, I have gotten my band tightened again. Yesterday I got 1 cc added. I am now up to 8.1 ccs in my band. I went to dinner last night (full well knowing that I should be on a liquid diet for 24 hours) and I tried to eat a chicken wing. Ya, nice try. It got lodged in my band and I must have thrown up 5 times and I still couldn't get it out. First I made Aurora pull over on the Interstate so that I could throw up and later I had to make Shawn. It hurt so bad. Like an elephant sitting on my chest. It was miserable.

I was out to dinner with Shawn and his two daughters and I have been craving wings. I thought I would just take a few bites and chew well, and I would be ok. Well, I guess I didn't chew as well as I thought I did. As today is day 2 with this new band size, I am scared to eat anything. The food addict in me is saying, you have all those left over wings in the fridge, just try them again. This is how sick food has made me. It made me physically ill but I want to try anyway?! What and the hell is wrong with me. This journey to a healthier me is crap. I am angry and frustrated. Not with my band, but with me. I seriously need help with this. I want to exercise more and I want to feel better about myself but, I can't find the motivation within myself to just get up and do it.

I got Jillian Michaels Body Revolution and I am super excited to get it. On her website, my goal weight should be met by 09/24/12 if I just do regular exercise, if I do this, it could potentially be before then.

I need all the encouragement I can get. I can do this. I deserve this, I am strong enough for this.