Let me start by saying today sucked. Plain and simple. Our first case of the day was a fetal demise which can I just tell you, as an outsider looking in, there is NOTHING worse than this. Nothing. It sucked enough for me but, damn it. Looking at that baby. There was NOTHING wrong with her. NOTHING. She was absolutely perfect. 10 fingers. 10 toes. I don't get it. I just don't. None of it will ever make sense to me. Never. I can ask why until the cows come home but, it will NEVER make sense.
Later today, I had a guy pass out in the booth across from me while eating his supper. I reached to see if he had a pulse and he came too. I called 911 but he refused help. I realized I knew what to do in an emergency situation I am just glad that I didn't have to.
As for my eating and staying on my "lifestyle changes" I did ok. I walked too and from work which was good, two miles, I drank my 64 oz of water and I ate descent most of the day. I went to Chinese food for dinner. I could make a plethera of excuses why I went, I wanted it so, I got it.
I have been seriously trying to kick this headache for two weeks now and it just keeps coming and going. Today it has gotten so bad, it throbs when I move my head. Yikes. Well, here's to hoping for a better day tomorrow. Bad day, not a bad life.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
A New Day.
I guess I really suck at this blogging thing. It has been a while since I have even been over here myself. Today is a new day. Yesterday, I had an epifany. I have hit my rock bottom. I am done. I should have been here a long time ago. Alas, I was not. Today is a new day. Even tho I have lost close to 50 pounds since starting this journey over a year ago, I feel just as fat as ever. It is ridiculous.
While I am 9 months post-op now, things are so not where I wanted them to be. I expected at least a new swimsuit this year. A nicer, possibly sexier one. Ya, not so much. This has been a pretty rough journey. Learning how to re-eat food and take a new thought about it is well, not as easy as it sounds. All you have to do is, chew slower, take smaller bites and take your time. You would think that would be easy. It has made me realize how much of a pig I really was. Trying to chew your food and eat slow because you know if you don't, it is going to get stuck and you are going to throw up STILL didn't stop me from eating fast. Eating fast is a TERRIBLY hard habit to break. I work in a world that doesn't allow for hour long lunch breaks, it just doesn't. CHEW your food, ENJOY your food. Nope, I still wasn't doing and pretty much throwing up, I'd say an average of 7 out of 10 meals.
So, now, here we are September 9, 2012. I am over it. I am done. Finished. Even though I am down 45 pounds from my start date, I feel as fat as I have ever been, again. I decided that I am going to try this plateau busters diet that is in my "Bandwagon" book and see how that starts off. (It's a 10 day, high protein, low carb diet) It is all about life style changing. I know these are all things that we should have started MONTHS before I had surgery. Things that if I would have done them, there would have been no need for surgery. I only have 45 pounds left to my goal weight. I am half way there. I GOT THIS. Please, I need a cheering section. People on my team who know I am doing and can do this! I got all my food portioned out last night. This is going to be something that I am going to have to start doing every weekend when I go shopping. Being prepared seriously, half the fight.
My goals for week number 1 are: Walk to work every day. 1 mile each way
Stay on task with my eating.
45 gm of protein
110 oz of water
My reward for week number 1 is, a new pair of exercise shoes. I need them badly.
I had already planned on starting on this "lifestyle" change earlier in the week and then my good friend Michelle showed me this picture last night. I wanted to cry. How did I let myself get so big and icky. It was 9 years ago when this photo was taken but, my god, what was I doing to myself? Also, attached is a recent picute. I've come a long way already but the road to travel is still long. Thank you so much for your support.
While I am 9 months post-op now, things are so not where I wanted them to be. I expected at least a new swimsuit this year. A nicer, possibly sexier one. Ya, not so much. This has been a pretty rough journey. Learning how to re-eat food and take a new thought about it is well, not as easy as it sounds. All you have to do is, chew slower, take smaller bites and take your time. You would think that would be easy. It has made me realize how much of a pig I really was. Trying to chew your food and eat slow because you know if you don't, it is going to get stuck and you are going to throw up STILL didn't stop me from eating fast. Eating fast is a TERRIBLY hard habit to break. I work in a world that doesn't allow for hour long lunch breaks, it just doesn't. CHEW your food, ENJOY your food. Nope, I still wasn't doing and pretty much throwing up, I'd say an average of 7 out of 10 meals.
So, now, here we are September 9, 2012. I am over it. I am done. Finished. Even though I am down 45 pounds from my start date, I feel as fat as I have ever been, again. I decided that I am going to try this plateau busters diet that is in my "Bandwagon" book and see how that starts off. (It's a 10 day, high protein, low carb diet) It is all about life style changing. I know these are all things that we should have started MONTHS before I had surgery. Things that if I would have done them, there would have been no need for surgery. I only have 45 pounds left to my goal weight. I am half way there. I GOT THIS. Please, I need a cheering section. People on my team who know I am doing and can do this! I got all my food portioned out last night. This is going to be something that I am going to have to start doing every weekend when I go shopping. Being prepared seriously, half the fight.
My goals for week number 1 are: Walk to work every day. 1 mile each way
Stay on task with my eating.
45 gm of protein
110 oz of water
My reward for week number 1 is, a new pair of exercise shoes. I need them badly.
I had already planned on starting on this "lifestyle" change earlier in the week and then my good friend Michelle showed me this picture last night. I wanted to cry. How did I let myself get so big and icky. It was 9 years ago when this photo was taken but, my god, what was I doing to myself? Also, attached is a recent picute. I've come a long way already but the road to travel is still long. Thank you so much for your support.
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