First night home.

Wow, I am shocked at how great I feel. I really am. I mean, I am wicked tired but, my incisions don't hurt like they did after I had my gallbladder out. After my gallbladder, I had to sleep sitting up for 2 weeks I hurt so badly. Last night, with pillows tucked in the appropriate places, I slept on my side with little discomfort. I am having my first breakfast at home, 1 cup of protein supplement. At least it's chocolate and it tastes good. I feel a bit weird and out of it from all the pain meds that I have been taking but, I haven't had any since 3am and I still feel ok. I look at my belly and I see these 5 incisions and think, what have I done? I finally made a change for me. I did something for me, because I wanted too. I am proud of myself for that. I am learning that what I am going thru is serious mourning. Like, I see a commercial for a big fat hamburger and think, oh, that's what I want and then I remember, oh, you can't have that. And then I just think about how much I would love to but then I also remember how eating like that got me here in the first place. I love food. It never lets me down. It never wrongs me and it always makes me feel better. And, now, I must change my relationship with it. We will be friends, not lovers. I will eat to live, not live to eat. Please, spare any prayers you have for me, I know I will need them.